Something we probably need most of our lives but is perhaps easier to receive when we're older is... the truth. We need people to tell us the truth. About our haircut, our clothes, our boyfriend, our home decor, our jobs, our cooking. It's a rare but wonderful thing when you find someone that will tell you the truth in such a way that you can HEAR it. We could all use a fresh perspective, a different way of looking at things. Who wants to be the person that Jack Nicholson would say "You can't handle the truth" to?
How the truth is delivered is key. I have a friend who makes it quite palatable. Which is interesting considering when we reconnected a year ago, she told me early on that she is straightforward. So much so that she invited me to let her know if she inadvertently stepped on my toes. My first thought was, "Oh God, is she going to hurt my feelings?"
Decorating is her thing, so she showed me a couple of homes she'd done, one being hers. Both of them were fabulous. Which is why I can't for the life of me know what I was thinking when I spontaneously said, "Let me show you my house!" Into the land of beige upon beige I welcomed her. My "decorating" style consisted solely of furniture other people had given me and a smattering of things I liked and had thrown around in an attempt to create a look. Shabby Chic meets beachy meets French is how I would describe the atmosphere I was going for and to say it missed the mark is a big understatement. My friend kindly disguised her fright and said, "I can help you decorate if you'd like." I jumped at the chance, which led us to a shopping trip.
It was during this initial outing and life experiences since that my friend has said the perfect words to deliver the truth... it's not for you. There it is! It's gentle, it's kind, it hits the nail right on the head -- it's not for you. It works for every thing, every time I need an honest opinion. Why is it great? Because there's no negative judgement about what your asking about. No, "That's ugly," comments, no wrinkled up nose and head shaking, no "why would you even ask me that?" questions. Just a simple, straight forward phrase that conveys, "I know you, I care about you, and that's not for you."
The people who will do this for you are the pack you want to run with. They're your tribe, posse, crew, peeps. It takes a lot more care and effort for someone to consider your circumstances and render an opinion, than it does to say, "it's great, you're great, it's all good." Different, and to be avoided, are the "friends" who feign interest in your stuff just to get the scoop. That's gossip and damn, by 50 haven't we figured out what bullshit that is? That's what reality television is for, to show us the ugly side of relationships. We watch that crap we don't do it.
Thank you Truth Tellers. God knows we don't want to run around in jeans that make our ass look bad.